Friday, July 13, 2007

Secret Squirrel

Ok. Forget the man-eating badgers the British Army denied releasing in Basra. A dozen squirrels were captured by Iranian intelligence who claimed the rodents had been outfitted with electronic detection devices. (Ynet and hat tip Tigerhawk)

"In recent weeks, intelligence operatives have arrested 14 squirrels within Iran's borders," state-sponsored news agency IRNA reported. "The squirrels were carrying spy gear of foreign agencies, and were stopped before they could act, thanks to the alertness of our intelligence services."

Nothing follows.


Blogger Bastiat said...

Little known facts about squirrels spies -

Favored dead drop: a tree.

Favored weapons: nuts.

Usual "bona fides" request to prove the intention and value of a potential agent: nuts.

Know weakness: nuts.

Renowned for their ability to run away, but if caught always appear nervous.

Have trouble losing their tails.

7/13/2007 07:53:00 PM  
Blogger wretchardthecat said...

I've having trouble with news out of the Middle East lately because it looks like I'm making it up or engaging in satire, but if you follow the links, they're really true. The British Army really did deny unleashing man-eating badgers in Basra who are reported to be able to devour a whole cow. And the Iranians, so far as I can tell, actually did arrest 14 squirrels on the borders on suspicion of espionage.

But the fact that this is actually serious news is personally more disturbing to me than if I had actually made it up. I haven't had this feeling since the day, in Rio Hondo in Zamboanga some decades ago, when I was talking to man who thought he could preserve Spam indefinitely by storing it under a mystical aluminum pyramid. He led me into a shack where he solemnly indicated what appeared to be a slice of Spam on a saucer which he claimed had remained unchanged for some months now. Of course, I was by then quietly moving my fingers near to something I could use as a weapon in the event, and between forced laughter calculating the distance to the door because I was seriously convinced the man was absolutely, certifiably crazy. But he was just a harmless crank and I went gratefully on my way. The Iranian authorities are building nuclear weapons.

7/13/2007 08:14:00 PM  
Blogger Bastiat said...

Apologies for the lame attempt at humor.

Iran is a serious situation without a doubt. The Basra reporting can easily be chalked up to local superstitious rumor-mongering. We've read reports of Iraqis confusing modern US military equipment with magic. Not a big leap between the two.

My hope, probably in vain, is that the CIA and friends are running some kind of rope-a-dope disinformation campaign, distracting the Iranians or testing for leaks in the CIA network. Mole hunting seems more likely.

In regards to the Pyramid fellow, that sort of new age nonsense started in the West. A drummer in one of my favorite bands used to wear a pyramid hat on stage. Superstition is inevitable when traditional religion is denigrated in public. What else can account for the Green movement?


7/13/2007 09:04:00 PM  
Blogger Fat Man said...

They can come to my house and arrest all the squirrels (or as I call them -- bushy tailed tree rats) they can find

7/13/2007 09:05:00 PM  
Blogger Mike H. said...

Until I came here I thought that it was a joke aimed at Iran from our side. To find out that it is a serious news item reinforces the need to remove the obstacles to our fight against people who are that detached from reality.

To Iran:
Paranoia strikes deep,
Into your life it will creep,
It starts when you're always afraid.

7/14/2007 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger RWE said...

The squirrels are merely a diversion for our much larger and better equipped commando force of raccoons.

But really, - "arrested before they could act" - exactly what "action" could a squirrel take?

This does bring to mind a story from the 60's in which a rodent - "the Ripper" - took down the satellite tracking station at Vandenberg AFB a number of times, before they found out what to feed him to make him happy.

On the other hand - the USAF actually issued an RFP a couple of years back for the development of autonomous robot systems that could be deployed in the vicinity of a target and take it out of action by dismantling it....

7/14/2007 12:51:00 PM  
Blogger Pascal said...

What an opportunity! Who owns the rights to Rocky and Bullwinkle?

Send offers to:
Fearless Leader

7/15/2007 12:15:00 PM  

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