Sunday, November 11, 2007

How To Design a Really Realistic Combat Simulation

David Wong lists out the 20 features any realistic war simulation game must have. He knows the rules have changed. Time to recognize the fact explicitly. Here, for example, is Rule Number 13.

13.  I want factions. Not a simple aliens vs. humans or Russians vs. Americans war orgy. I want to share the map with powerful forces who are not friend or foe or anything else, a news media, private corporations, a****le allies and friendly enemies, everyone jockeying for their own interests and me unable to bend over at any moment without turning my codpiece around first. I want a France.

Although the whole thing is written in a humorous vein, it reflects a fundamentally sad view of human nature. All the sadder because many observations are true. Nothing follows.


Blogger Alexis said...

How about a business similation called Automobile Tycoon? If the competition gets too rough, you can use a temporary cheat code for government ownership and state protection for your car monopoly. (The cheat code also lowers your product's quality and raises its price.) Once your cheat code runs out and cheap high quality imports flood your country, you can then press the Islam button to convince people to buy your overpriced and inferior product because it is an Islamic Car.

The rats were devouring the house, but instead of examining the cat's teeth and claws, they only concerned themselves to find out if it was a holy cat. If it was a pious cat, a moral cat, all right, never mind about the other capacities, they were of no consequence.

-- Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc, Mark Twain

11/11/2007 08:55:00 PM  
Blogger eggplant said...

To make it a good simulation, the programmer would need to include a moonbat routine driven by a random number generator. No matter how well the game was played there would be a non-zero probability of the moonbat routine activating. Once activated, the routine would constantly shriek canned slogans, claim that the batttle was lost and demand an immediate retreat.

11/11/2007 09:37:00 PM  
Blogger Doug said...

Perhaps we should transfer the Reputation the French had over to the Moonbats,
giving us instant access to a whole library of Surrender Jokes.

11/12/2007 12:59:00 AM  
Blogger Doug said...

Cell Phone Novelists

TOKYO -- When Satomi Nakamura uses her cellphone, she has to be extra careful to take frequent breaks. That's because she isn't just chatting. The 22-year-old homemaker has recently finished writing a 200-page novel titled "To Love You Again" entirely on her tiny cellphone screen, using her right thumb to tap the keys and her pinkie to hold the phone steady. She got so carried away last month that she broke a blood vessel on her right little finger.

11/12/2007 12:59:00 AM  
Blogger Doug said...

"PCs might be easier to type on, but I've had a cellphone since I was in sixth grade, so it's easier for me to use," says Ms. Nakamura, who has written eight novels on her little phone.

11/12/2007 01:01:00 AM  
Blogger Alex Sloat said...

That's a very old link(2004, I believe), but still damn funny. And far too true.

11/12/2007 08:39:00 AM  
Blogger NahnCee said...

Perhaps we should transfer the Reputation the French had ...


11/12/2007 10:17:00 AM  
Blogger Garth Farkley said...

Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies.

W. L. George

11/12/2007 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger NahnCee said...

Love the Aussies!

11/12/2007 10:43:00 AM  
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11/23/2007 02:55:00 AM  

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